like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
