Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
