meet me or not, i'm out of control
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
