you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
