on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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