DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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