I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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