You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
