and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
