OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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