I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
