We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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