it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
