We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
