Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
