His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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