Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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