I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
