My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
