go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
