Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
