got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
