So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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