so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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