I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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