I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
