You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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