the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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