that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize