I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
