she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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