I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
