i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
