Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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