paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
