those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
