OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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