Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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