the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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