I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
