why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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