my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Randomize
