since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
