I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
