Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
