when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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