Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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