I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
