Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
