He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
