My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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