is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
