I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
