Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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