This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
