I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
