ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
