my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
