i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
