The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How naked do you want me to be?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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