glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
