I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
