So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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