I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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