I can text with my tongue
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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