Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
