so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
