8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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