i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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