Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
