I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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