I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
