I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
