we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
