just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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