For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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