The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
