Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
