my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
