just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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