He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
